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Have Time For
Your Kids?
by Mark Brandenburg
As I planned an all-day trip last
weekend with my daughter, I remember going down a list of "critical"
projects that would have to wait for another day: visiting my parents, a
work project, mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, getting some
much-needed exercise, and weeding the "jungle" that was once our garden.
All of these things would have to be put on hold for awhile.
My daughter Sarah, her cousin
Annie, and Annie's father Bill and I went on a day trip to the
birthplace of Laura Ingalls Wilder in Pepin, Wisconsin. It was a day of
simple pleasures and discussions about what frontier life must have been
like. The imaginations of our daughters were soaring, and they had a day
they'll remember forever.
I think their fathers did, too.
And while we had a wonderful time,
I'm aware that this day almost didn't happen. This wonderful day that
will be etched in the mind of my daughter forever almost didn't happen,
because life almost got in the way. I had almost given in to the voices
that told me that there were "too many other things" that needed to be
done.
All across this country fathers
(and mothers) are being squeezed by the demands of work and family.
Our free time each week to spend with our families has steadily
decreased. In a society that continually promotes products that will
save us time, we have less time than ever before.
In her book, "Embracing Your
Father, Building the Relationship You Want with Your Dad," author Linda
Nielsen, Ed.D, points out some interesting statistics:
-Eighty percent of the fathers in
our country earn most of the money for their families.
-Counting the time spent
commuting, working, doing house and yard work, and being with the kids,
the average father has 5 hours less free time each week than the average
employed mother.
-On average, employed fathers work
10 more hours a week than employed mothers.
Most fathers want to spend more
time with their kids but don't feel as though they can "afford" it. And
when they do spend more time with their kids, they feel themselves
falling behind in other areas of their life. This "squeeze" can prevent
us from making the kinds of decisions that allow us to be closer to our
children.
Sarah bounded up the stairs after
our trip, her eyes beaming and wearing the Laura Ingalls Wilder bonnet
that I'd bought for her. As she jumped up into my arms she said, "Thanks
for the great day, daddy, I love you."
As I lingered there for a moment
after she'd left, it all became clear to me. This day with my daughter,
this beautiful day, had been lumped in with all the other
"responsibilities" I have in my life.
And it has no business being
there.
It belongs in a place that's
untouched by other duties and responsibilities we face in our lives.
A place that we absolutely commit to and hold as sacred. Because it's a
place that will touch our hearts like no other.
I think we can all afford to fall
behind in our other duties.
How about you?
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches
men to be better fathers and husbands. He is the author of "25 Secrets
of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers"
http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm Sign up for his FREE
newsletter, "Dads, Don't Fix Your Kids," at
http://www.markbrandenburg.com
, and get lots of other free stuff for dads.
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