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Why Aren't We
Happy In Our Marriage Relationships?
By: Dave Cole
My perfect mate would be.....a
combination of:
Paris Hilton, Oprah Winfrey, Betty
Crocker, Helen Hunt, Helen Keller, Annie Oakley, Lucille Ball, Cindy
Crawford, Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez, Ann Landers, Angela Lansbury,
Martha Stewart, June Cleaver....plus the best qualities of each of: my
former girlfriends, my current wife, my grandmothers, and my mom.
Take the qualities I like in each
of those women, put them all together into one, and you have my perfect
soulmate.
Now a woman like that's not too
hard to find is it?
What I (men in general) want from
a woman would include: a good sex partner and one who is willing to have
sex whenever I want, a companion to avoid loneliness, housekeeper,
mother of my children, a best friend, someone to boost my ego, physical
intimacy, spiritual intimacy, a good conversationalist, attractive
escort, someone who will not judge or criticize me, someone who leaves
me alone when I want to be left alone, someone who is fun to be around,
yet quiet and humble, but also bold and adventurous.
Someone who cooks my meals, and
cleans my house and changes diapers, and has a big income and is
sexually attractive and alluring doing it!!!
Now, if I were to put all the
qualities I want in a woman and then EXPECT this woman to be all of the
above and meet all my needs all the time and in every way.....
Is there anyone reading this that
fully agrees I would be hard pressed to find such a woman to start with,
and does anyone agree that no woman could even half begin to have all
those qualities and further to fill all those needs of mine?
Of course not!
So I have all these needs and
desires and even more than above, plus my needs and wants vary from time
to time and from event to event, yet for some odd reason, I expect my
wife to fulfill all of my needs and even to have the ability to change
and move with my every whim and changing fancy and then react and
compensate accordingly.
And that doesn't even take into
account her individual needs and changes and desires.
It's actually quite ludicrous of
me to even think for a minute that one partner could meet all my needs
and fulfill all my desires and react as I think they should and be all
things to all people all the time......
And yet, isn't that one big reason
why most of us are un-happy in a relationship or marriage?
We somehow expect our partner to
"know" what we are thinking and feeling and then react and do the things
"we think they should be doing" at each and every situation and
circumstance.
And further, we would want our
partner to be all things to us at all times....then when it doesn't
happen we get disappointed.
It was a major shock after I got
married, expecting my new wife to meet all my needs and desires, and
then woke up the next morning only to find I had married a real human
being with needs, opinions, and desires of her own.
Can you imagine that?
It's like my baseball team. If I
expect one of my players to be able to be a catcher, pitcher, infielder,
outfielder, plus be the best hitter... one player that can do anything
well and do it all the time.... then I'm going to have an awfully
difficult time finding such a player.
Yet, for the most of us, we expect
our partner to be everything we ever wanted and to fulfill all our needs
and desires and whims and not complain doing and also to do it without
having to be told.
One of our biggest reasons why we
are not having happy marriages is because we expect our partner to be
able to fulfill and suit all our needs and do it on a continual basis
and be able to change and adapt with each varying situation.
I can't be all the things my wife
needs at all times, and I recognize that. It would drive me crazy even
trying to be somebody like that. And neither can she be Betty Crocker
and Ann Landers and Paris Hilton and all of the above personalities
rolled into one.
So wouldn't it be much easier for
me and better for my relationship, to accept my partner's limitations
and their strong points and not go around expecting her to be everything
I need all the time?
Wouldn't that make it easier and
better to have a quality relationship if we didn't expect our partners
to behave and be someone they're not?
Perhaps if we accepted our
partners as they were, with all their flaws and imperfections and
focused a little more on their strong and good points, we would all be
happier in our relationships.
Dave Cole Prosperity: The Choice
Is Yours Copyright © 2004
Dave's E-zine provides you with
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http://choosetoprosper.com |
