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A Fathers Value
by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC
It happened when I least expected it. During an afternoon in which I had been
lamenting my role as a "janitor" with my family, my seven-year-old daughter put
things back into perspective for me. "You're the best daddy in the world," she
whispered to me as she gave me a big hug.
I was thankful as she ran down the hall, for I was too overwhelmed to respond
to her comment in a reasonable manner. My vision of myself as an unappreciated
victim had been extinguished in a flash; in its place I felt a joy and sense of
gratitude that was overpowering.
On further reflection I was reminded of a painful law involving family life:
The more you believe you deserve appreciation, the less you'll get. Seeking
appreciation and gratitude from your kids won't lead you anywhere but to
resentment. But if you stay involved long enough, you'll find moments like this
one that are worth hanging on to.
It's easy for fathers to feel unappreciated and to feel like they inhabit a
place outside the emotional "core" of the family (mom and the kids). But the
value of involved fathers to their families is becoming increasingly clear.
Recent research has pointed out the absolute necessity of a father's positive
influence on his children.
The first bit of research is from a collection of agencies, including the
U.S. Census Bureau, the U.S. Department of Justice, the Center for Disease
Control, and the National Principals Association. The translation of these
studies show just how valuable fathers are to their kids. The statistics are
remarkable:
Children from a fatherless home are:
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5 times more likely to commit suicide
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32 times more likely to run away
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20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders
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14 times more likely to commit rape
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9 times more likely to drop out of school
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10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances
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9 times more likely to end up in a state operated institution
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20 times more likely to end up in prison
Perhaps even more interesting was the pooling of parenting research that the
Wall Street Journal did in June of 2003. The research suggests that
"interactions with a father are equally, if not more, important than interaction
with a mother in a child's positive development."
While we don't want to turn this into a debate over who's more important, the
fact that this notion is now being considered is a testament to the growing
realization of a father's importance.
So the next time you're questioning your value to your family, remember that
these are just feelings of victimization from your past. They have very little
connection to the present moment.
Your value to your kids is immense.
Know that they need you to be involved and that they need your approval.
And then give it to them.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to be better fathers and husbands. He
is the author of "25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers"
http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm.
Sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, "Dads,Don't Fix Your Kids," at
http://www.markbrandenburg.com. |
