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Arguments - The
losing side of a relationship
by George Ministeri
In the 34 years that I have been
doing psychic counseling, it is only in the past 10 years that I have
been involved with couples counseling. One thing I have noticed with
many couples, whether those couples are a man and a woman, two women, or
two men, is that there is often a lack of real and meaningful
communication. This lack of communication causes small conflicts to
become heated arguments where issues are not resolved because both
partners are trying to make their points and are not even listening to
what the other person has to say. Nothing can ever be resolved when one
person raises his or her voice with what only appears to the other
person to be demands. The effect of this is that the other person feels
as if they are being scolded like a parent scolds a child and this
causes the person to close up in a defensive posturing attitude where
they don't bother listening to what the other person is saying. This
intensifies the problem because when the person who is relating the
problem area in their life feels that they are being shut out, or
ignored, by their partner there is no meaningful dialog which allows a
resolution to be achieved. The only resolution to the problem is for one
or both partners to bring the subject up again, which might only create
the same result. Instead of being resolved this issue now smolders like
a hot ember, and this can make for an emotional forest fire!
The way I try to resolve issues
like this is to teach couples how to discuss issues instead of just
yelling and having the entire situation turning into World War III.
There are several steps couples can take to have a good, open, and
loving discussion, and to reduce the friction in their relationship by
learning to resolve the very important issues that cause them to
misunderstand each others feelings.
One of the most effective steps I
teach couples is to express their anger, fears, aggravations, and
concerns to their partner. This allows them the freedom of opening up
without the fear of confrontation. It is a very simple method, but has
certain rules which must be followed.
One of the ways I teach couples to
do this is to encourage them to write a journal to document the issues
in their relationship which they feel are causing problems. Detail is
very important here. They must also devote an hour of uninterrupted time
each week for open discussion. This discussion has to occur on the same
day, and at the same time, and becomes a weekly ritual for the couple.
During this hour, each of the partners has 30 minutes to read from their
journal. While each partner reads their journal, the other partner
cannot interrupt, or make any comments. After this hour, I encourage
each partner to spend some time alone, and to reflect upon what they
have just heard. They must also remember not to have any discussion
about what has just been said. However, they can add some of this new
information into their journals for the following week's discussion.
This method is not a quick fix for a troubled relationship, but most
couples are amazed that after several months they are now working
together to resolve the problems in their relationship.
One of the most complex
interactions we face in life is the relationship with our partners.
There is often some initial spark
which brings two people together, but for a relationship to thrive it
requires communication, cooperation, and compromise. This is only one of
the many techniques which can be used to help couple resolve issues, but
by teaching couples how to effectively communicate, it helps to
strengthen the foundations of their relationship.
George Ministeri
George Ministeri is an
internationally acclaimed psychic, and intuitive counselor with over 30
years experience. Visit his website at
http://www.GeorgeMinisteri.com to discover more about who George
Ministeri is and how his psychic readings have benefited his clients. |
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